It’s been almost exactly a week since I completed an 8 week live-in Catholic discipleship school. Wow that’s really a mouthful isn’t it? And even though it’s late and I need to sleep, I feel like I really need to pen down some thoughts before they fly away…
So many people have asked me how I’ve been since completing SOW. I never really have a good answer and I think I’ve given a different one to each person, but one thing has been a constant – whenever I talk about it, I can’t stop grinning broadly. I can’t quite pin down the source of that grin – part of it is just from sheer awkwardness I feel, but I think partly it also expresses something that I find difficult to put into words – that the biggest change in me is that now, I’m happy.
I’m trying to say more about what this means, but it seems that words fail me tonight. Maybe I need more time to process this change in me. I feel completely the same – I don’t feel particularly displaced coming back to real life; life goes on. But yet something is completely different, and I can’t say anything more about it other than – I’m happy.
I struggled a lot this week, earlier in the week, as my earlier posts will attest to. But somehow in all that struggle, God was so clearly with me that it just helped move me to a much better space, and the tail end of this week has just been so graced. Every conversation and every experience seems to be just overflowing with God’s presence and grace.
I know that times of greater struggle will come, and there will come a day when I look back on SOW and it will be such a distant memory that I will wonder to myself, did that really happen? Was that really me? Was that really God? But I will let tomorrow take care of itself; for now, I want to just enjoy every moment of this grace-filled existence.